Offit Kurman Blogs

When Bradley Cooper released his new PBS documentary “Caregiving,” he didn’t just share a deeply personal narrative, he opened the door to a long-overdue national reckoning. His story of bathing his father, of holding his hand through cancer, of navigating a healthcare labyrinth with little support resonates because it is all of our stories. Whether we realize it yet or not. Caregiving is the invisible thread that holds my clients — the wealthy and not so wealthy — their families, and their communities together. This essential labor, both paid and unpaid, is finally stepping into the spotlight, demanding recognition, reform, and real support.

The Growing Crisis

The statistics are irrefutable: for the first time ever, Americans aged 65 and older are set to outnumber their children by 2034. Currently, 23 million care for older adults exceeding the 21 million caring for kids. It is important to note, however, that caregiving occurs at all ages and contributions. No one is immune from caregiving. Financial caregiving responsibilities can begin much earlier for a younger demographic if they are in a better financial position than their aging family members. Added to that, those who are having children later in life now care for their aging parents whom they presumed could help them raise their own young children.

Unpaid family caregivers contribute nearly $600 billion worth of labor to the US economy annually, which is larger than the United States Department of Defense budget and a figure soon to hit $900 billion the next decade. Families, who represent the unpaid caregivers, absorb this enormous emotional, financial, and physical burden. As this author has written about in the past, caregivers generally must reduce work hours, give up career opportunities, or quit jobs entirely. These sacrifices lead to lost income, strained mental health, and mounting caregiving debt. 

Beyond the individual cost, caregiving faces much broader challenges, including the underfunding of resources, a fragmented health care system, policy neglect, and a lack of labor protections for professional caregivers. Millions of Americans, especially women, people of color, and low-income individuals are making impossible choices: career or care. Income or loved one. Sleep or safety. And while the dialogue surrounding caregiving has traditionally been viewed as a women’s or senior issue, it is clear that caregiving now touches every demographic and tax bracket. In fact, the recognition of today’s “Sandwich Generation,” adults caring for aging parents while raising kids, has been a topic of conversation, mostly because of the extreme pressure this generation feels with its caregiving responsibilities: even Gen Z is stepping in as caregivers, often for grandparents and disabled siblings.

Most fall into caregiving during a crisis — an accident, a diagnosis, or a fall. Without a plan, the emotional, legal, and financial toll compounds quickly and sometimes in ways that cannot be controlled.  Planning in advance provides options that planning during or after a crisis simply does not.

The culmination of these issues leaves us all without robust systemic support, defining caregiving as a personal crisis rather than a shared responsibility. However, there is hope, and the way to hold onto that hope is through planning.

Take Action

• Clarify wishes. Encourage your aging loved ones to clarify their wishes. Advance healthcare directives provide caregivers guidance and reduce stress of healthcare and end of life decision making. Ensure your Will or Trust is in place and up-to-date reflecting the beneficiaries chosen by the aging loved one, not by the state. Consider creating an ethical will to share with your family describing your hopes and wishes for their future and lessons you wish to impart long after you are gone.
• Protect assets. If your loved one’s assets are not infinite, it’s imperative to meet with an elder law attorney who can assess whether or not your loved one will qualify for Medicaid or Veterans benefits in the future to pay for long-term care. Determine if asset protection trusts can help your loved one qualify for benefits or resources in their area. If you still have time, speak with an insurance professional about qualifying for long-term care insurance.
• Organize roles. Nothing is more important than setting a plan in place. This means determining now who can help your aging loved one and contribute to their caregiving.  Dividing and conquering roles like organizing medication, cooking meals, providing transportation to appointments, and managing finances can help caregivers avoid burnout and ensure that talents among all caregivers are utilized. Technology is even being developed to address the need such as software like Hero Generation which can make organization for the caregiver easier. 
• Preserve dignity.  Talk to your aging loved one about where they want to live as they age and, perhaps more importantly, where they do not want to live as they age. If your loved one is faced with a life-limiting condition, start the dialogue about what their idea of a “good death” looks like by consulting with organizations like Befriending Death or your local hospice agency. Thoughtful planning keeps care centered around the person’s needs, values, religious, and spiritual beliefs, not just the logistics of the end of their life.

As caregivers, there is so much we can do beyond providing the care. We must acknowledge the heavy lift of caregiving: talking about it with family, co-workers, and friends to create community around the experience. We must offer respite to our friends who are caregivers and vote for public policies that support and expand care. And of course, elevate the conversation and share resources to make sure that it is easier for those who come after us.

Roslyn Carter wisely said that “...there are only four kinds of people in the world: those who have been caregivers, those who are currently caregivers, those who will be caregivers, and those who will need caregivers." Caregiving is love in action and planning for it is essential.  Wherever you are in your own caregiving or care receiving journey, ensuring a plan is in place is essential.